Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love is the third non-fiction publication Canadian philosopher Stefan Molyneux has produced in what amounts to a superhuman, mind boggling speed of just 6 months time. Shockingly, that’s not to mention the number of exceptional articles and podcasts he has managed to produce simultaneously.

This is a book about “Real-Time” honesty. Honesty with ourselves and others. Honesty about how we feel in the moment. How we feel when a friend, lover or parent enters the room. How we feel when the phone rings and their name appears on the call display. Do we feel joy, fear, anger or dread?

This is a book about all of our relationships. Our relationship with reality, our relationship with ourselves and our relationships with family, friends and lovers. This book, should you dare to venture through it, will help you better understand those relationships – or rather, help you to understand what you already know.

There is a myth that is pervasive throughout history and throughout the world. This myth is that our emotions are irrational. Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry’s starting premise unfortunately involves this same prevailing myth. In the Star Trek universe, a green blooded, pointy eared race known as the “Vulcans” are said to be without emotion and thus exceedingly logical. The truth is, it is not our emotions which are irrational. What are doubtlessly irrational are our relentless, controlling, manipulative and often violent attempts to evade, deny and make up stories about our emotions. This book sets out to debunk this long held myth with great success.

I first read Real-Time Relationships (RTR) while proofreading minor errors and providing feedback on his 1st and 2nd drafts. My experience was quite overwhelming. I read this book with the same ravenous curiosity I had when reading his other books, On Truth: The Tyranny of Illusion and Universally Preferable Behavior: A Rational Proof of Secular Ethics. This book has been a little… different for me. It elicited a wide range of feelings: Stunned horror, embarrassment, humiliation, sadness, anger, remorse, happiness, hope, pride, isolation, fear and so on. There were many moments when I had to stop in order to fully process just a single sentence. There was also an undeniable sense of… destiny.

There were a couple of times in which I couldn’t help but repudiate myself. There, in excruciating detail, were all my thoughts, feelings and actions laid out in front of me as if my life had become an open book for all to read. Like shadows skittering away from a flood of light, what should have been so obvious to me (in my past and present relationships) stood fully exposed.

The second time I read this book in full (the final draft), I had volunteered to read along while listening to the audio version of this book, cross checking to ensure accuracy and noting errors where they occurred. I began again with feelings of exhilaration and impatience, from one “AHA!” moment to the next. Being somewhat of an auditory learner, this time around was a somewhat more poignant experience and with it came some unusual side effects. Reportedly, this had apparently occurred with some of the other people who were helping as well. To my own surprise when pointed out to me in a later discussion, I began acting out some of the passive aggressive behaviors described in the book, in my interactions with Stefan.

So be warned, this can be an evil little book and as one reader put it:

“If your life is not completely messed up after reading On Truth, this book will finish the job”.

Some of my experience in reading this book could be compared to throwing holy water on a demon- possessed little girl. Without a doubt, however, it has been the most helpful, hope-engendering book I have ever read in my life.

After I finished reading this book, I had a number of chances to engage in a real-time relationship with some friends and people online. I can say that this magnificent tool of honesty can provide some amazing investigative insight into the core of any issue or conflict, adding depth and joy to any relationship with healthy potential, while at other times it can serve as a tool for revealing a bad relationship for what it really is, saving your time, money and energy for finding better relationships.

As scary and counterintuitive as vulnerability and honesty in abusive, conflict-laden or problematic relationships may seem, it is the only truly effective methodology of bringing the truth about that relationship to the surface. It is the only way to bring about final resolution and closure to a problem, or the relationship itself.

I found that people are quite disoriented by honesty and vulnerability. Some people have become quite defensive and hostile, while others will withdraw completely. Success is not determined, however, by achieving the specific outcome you originally desired. The success of RTR is determined in whether or not a final outcome is achieved.

The most important thing I have learned so far is that there is no “backup plan” to RTR. If you find that you cannot become vulnerable and honest in any given relationship, then “character assassination,” “blame throwing,” “verbal abuse” and so on will not serve. If you find that you cannot become vulnerable and honest in a relationship, then there is no reason why you should engage them at all.

Why?

Because there is no relationship.