The Myth of False Memories
on Dec.08, 2009, under Quotes
“Many still hanker after the feeling of power conveyed by taking it out on the children, remaining in a vegetable state of unawareness instead of developing a conscious realization of the consequences of their deeds. They use all the means at their disposal — including law courts and scientific institutions — to prove that human memory is unreliable.
But no such proof is required. It is true that our memories are unreliable, easily manipulated from within (our “wishful thinking”) and without. But above all they serve our will for survival. Our will for survival will never push us to invent painful stories, rather the contrary; to make up nice memories in order to obscure the painful reality of our childhood. This is something we must never lose sight of. The commandment that says “Thou shalt not be aware of what was done unto thee, nor of what thou doest to others” ensures that cruelty suffered in childhood is played down or modified by memory until it becomes unrecognizable.”
–Alice Miller
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December 11th, 2009 on 22:06
This passage seems to operate from the assumption that humans will always act (consciously or subconsciously) in the best interests of their continued survival, when this is plainly not the case.
The beaten man who stops fighting the boots and relaxes himself into the beating; the obese man who hates the sight of his reflection even as he enters the fast-food outlet; the pleasure every person feels at meeting an old friend and having them re-awaken memories of happiness past -these things and many more evidence the fact that the average person does not necessarily lean towards survival either of the mind or the body.
Rather, humans have become corrupted to favour ease, simplicity and pleasure even while they bury themselves further and further in financial woes/social conflict/personal drama -whatever form the embodiment of their corruption takes place.
I would argue that the human mind is more than ready to create false memories in order to justify the decadence which defines it. This corruption does not lead one instinctively along the path of survival and success but of nihilism and self-destruction.
This is our condition.
December 12th, 2009 on 01:13
You just made a great argument in support of what Alice is saying, I’m not sure how you made a case for it being “plainly not the case.”
December 12th, 2009 on 23:36
You’re not wrong Nathan, I think vodka/poetry skewed my meaning somewhat.
I disagree with the idea that “[memories] serve our will for survival” and that our “will for survival will never push us to invent painful stories”, and I failed to convey that effectively.
I think the average modern person is more in possession of a ‘will to satisfaction’ rather than any ‘will to survival’.
If the subconscious invention of painful memories serves a conscious function (gathering of pity, receipt of attention etc.) then the mind will do as ordered to provide for the entity to which it is concerned.
Perhaps the act of memory falsification is a conscious-subconscious partnership, such as when a liar comes to believe their own lies. Either way, the invention of false unhappy memories is well within the scope of the average person’s abilities and desires.
December 13th, 2009 on 02:44
I think you might be missing the point, have you read her books?
December 13th, 2009 on 22:49
I must admit that I have not read her books, the above passage is my sole reference.
Enlighten me Nathan.
December 17th, 2009 on 00:25
Or not.
I still think she’s wrong, and I think you may be missing MY point.
The supplied passage tends to lean towards a tidy view of the mind that can be seen as over-simplistic. If you disagree with what I have said then I would be genuinely interested to hear what you have to say.
December 18th, 2009 on 22:34
You seem more interested in arguing this passage than reading the book. I would argue that you’re proving her point when it comes to the lengths we go to in order to cover up the bad memories of childhood to cover them up with good ones. Yours, an intellectual defense of fog.
This is how we survive a dysfunctional and more likely abusive family system, to do otherwise is to risk death, as is not uncommon at all throughout history. See the Lloyd deMause articles on this site.
Essentially, as children who cannot escape, we must internalize and blame ourselves, sparing the parents, identifying with the abuser rather than recognize the dreadful horror of the situation we are in, that we are trapped with bad parents for what seemed like an eternity. Classic Stockholm syndrome, painting our childhood with happy memories, because to do otherwise is to provoke a lot of hostility in others, especially the parents.
I would know, since whenever I talk about my own childhood and my choice not to see my parents, most people, rather than being sympathetic towards me, rush to defend my parents instead. In truth, they are trying to defend their own. It’s easier to conform to the common myth about family than to speak the truth.
December 20th, 2009 on 22:50
Well I guess I have no choice but to read more of her work now.
Thanks for the explanation Nathan, I see now that I had missed the point.
I’ll read those links you mentioned too.
December 31st, 2009 on 16:47
How amazing it is that those of us who have mustered the courage to face our childhood traumas are then accused of having false memories. My own mother, who supposedly “believes” me, never loses an opportunity to mention something about how common it is for people to “accidentally” create false memories.
“Sometimes when there are a lot of sexual feelings in the family the child picks up on them and later thinks she’s been abused when she never was touched. That happened to my friend Naomi!”
This is such a destructive attitude. Alice Miller is so right in saying that if anything, you remember nothing having happened when indeed something did. Your unconscious instincts try to protect your parents and the identity you have built up for yourself.
Remembering can be nothing but painful, shattering, and revolting– the positive payoffs of redemption and self-acceptance come only after the full grieving and raging process. There can be no false memories, and to say there can only shows that you cannot face yourself.